Can't start growing vegetables, do you have any tips?

Start with something easy like arugula or sunflower sprouts. Not everything has to be perfect right away. And it takes a new kind of attention and patience. Just start playing with it.

Some of these questions will depend upon where in the world you are. Also, all soils are different and all plants have different needs so fertilizer isn't a one-size-fits-all answer, either. However, plants want to sprout and grow. I have potatoes growing in my compost heap because apparently they weren't as done as I thought they were.

If you want a place to start, why not buy some young plants and try to keep those going? Just pick something that meets the sunlight and climate requirements of your area. Many will have tags telling you this information. Sure, it's a bit more than seeds, but it might pay for itself in produce if you succeed. Mint is basically a weed so, if you like mint, that might be one that could fit.

After that, you might see what works and what doesn't and buy some seeds. Best of luck!

Agree. I once grew onions in bags...kinda by accident. I did nothing and they grew. That boosted my confidence. Radishes are pretty easy too. They both grew fast, with minimal care from me. Your location, your soil/climate etc also matters....its probs a good idea to look up what zone you are and pick the easiest growing thing. https://www.plantmaps.com/ if you dont know soil just grab a bag of cheap compost and a strong bag/recycled tub.

It does not have to be hard or a responsibility. Perfect is the enemy of the Good enough.

First off, you are not pathetic, the world is depressing. And just having the intent to do this is a great start. Be kind to yourself, no one else can do that for you.

The first thing to do is forget all of those grand ideas about having a giant garden with all sorts of produce. Even if that is your end goal, don't think about that! It will only demotivate you, because it seems so far away from where you are now.

The second thing to do is go to your local library and get some books about gardening. The simpler the better, is they have gardening books for kids then start with those.

Read those books. Take some easy examples, like herbs, lettuce, or garlic. Start small, and don't overdo yourself. Try to enjoy what you are doing, and stay with the present task. Don't push yourself immediately to do more.

Let that enjoyment be your guide. If you can focus on feeling good about what you are doing, then the rest will come without effort.

In a world that feels depressing, the accomplishment of seeing you grew a onion or a straggly but pretty flower is quite fulfilling. you are right, presence and enjoyment are a therapy.

Just start small. You don't need to start a full blown garden if that seems daunting. Just plant a few seeds, see what grows and what does well. Then next year you can expand if you can handle it and you have the experience from what grew well the previous year. Also I wouldn't really bother with fertilizer to start, just plant the seeds and just water them depending on the weather (don't need to water them if it rains).

Gardening is just like any other skill, you start small and basic and expand from there as you gain more experience and skills.

Gardening is a lot about trial and error - and there's always gonna be something catching you off (rain, pests, root rot etc).

When I knew nothing, I started off growing 1 easy thing like tomatoes and going from there. You dont even need seeds, just grab a bag of premixed soil (there'll be bags at ya local supply store that say tomato mix) then cut a thick slice of a tomato from ya fridge and chuck it in a small pot of soil (saw it in a tiktok video). Once sprouts start coming up (like a 2 or 3 weeks) pull the biggest ones out and chuck em in their own pot and let em grow. Water em like once a week or every few days depending on the weather and bob's ya uncle.

The cunts ended up growing through the bottom of the pot, through the turf and into the ground underneath, so they're strong bastards.

The confidence of growing ya first veg motitivates you to tackle more stuff and before you know it ya got a green thumb.

Buy a pot. Buy some soil. Buy some seeds.

Put one thing in the other, you may have to experiment in which order they go. I found that pot - soil - seed worked best for me.

You sound like you suffer from decision paralysis. You need to get started with something, anything. In a few seasons you'll learn. If you expect the apocalypse to happen sooner than a few years my strategy would be to run towards the mushroom cloud. You can't rush this.

For soil fertility, I recommend using the corpse(s) of an oligarch or two to enrich the soil (Human Composting). Would likely have to use some sort of anaerobic (no oxygen) composting set up so the right bacteria can get to work. This way you help solve the crisis, in part, and get some high quality soil.

Buuut that's longer term stuff that will take a while to set up. There are still a bunch of veges you can plant; beets, swiss chard, arugala, lettuce, turnips, kale, spinach, probably a bunch of others. Go grab some of that stuff, dig out a plot in your yard (if no yard use pots) and stick 'em in there. Usually there's instructions on the packet on how to and how deep to place the seeds, how often to water them, etc. The same information is easily found in so many places online also. Don't worry about soil fertility this year. If you have enough space you could just dig another plot and use that one.

Best thing to do is to start small and learn how you want to do things. Planning out an entire self sustaining garden eco-system would be a lot, even for someone with a well-callused green thumb.

https://plantisima.com/things-to-plant-in-mid-summer-for-a-delicious-late-harvest/

If the soil isn't pale looking but a nice dark color, you're good to start. Otherwise, mix in some compost. Plant some potatos, carrots, maybe kale. That's it, at least where I live. Later you can worry about other vegetables.

Edit: If your soil isn't fit for gardening, look into raised beds, basically a box on top of the soil filled with fertile soil. Also, you can grow potatos in garbage bags filled with soil/compost.

Depending on what you plan to grow you don't need to buy seeds.

Tomatoes, you can squeeze the seeds out of a tomato and they will grow (better if it is a variety that is not an hybrid).
Garlic, each clove is a future plant.
Potatoes, cut them in half or into quarters if they big, let the cut part dry overnight and plant them.

What else? Unless you're starting on a very empoverished soil, as others have said I wouldn't worry about fertilisers. If I needed it I would buy a 25Kg bag of NPK and that would last me for years in a small garden. Depending on where you live that could be a bit challenging to buy, I live in a rural area so that is easy enough to find.

Hey friend. First of all: breathe, you'll be just fine. There's nothing pathetic about feeling overwhelmed with the state of the world right now. I've recently bought a little allotment garden myself and have some experience with balcony gardening before that. Let's break everything down to a few basic steps:
1) Look up your hardiness zones. This will give you an upper and lower threshold of the climate you're working with and determine when to do what during the season. One starting point is plant maps but once you get started, you'll find an abundance of resources. Select your crop accordingly.
2) Familiarize yourself with your soil. Depending on your plot size neither fertilizer nor compost will be an instant solution so it's best to learn to deal with what you have. Heavy soil with lots of loam may be prone to water logged conditions, sandy soils hardly keep any water at all. There are plants that can deal with either situation. Select accordingly.
3) Light and shade. Whether you have a lot of shade or full sun, there is a crop for you. Just again, select for what you have not what you wish you have.
4) Try things, buy, plant, observe, just get your feet wet. Here is a simple example from my plot: I'm in Zone 8a, have mostly heavy soil and full sun. So stuff like rhubarb, some peas, beans, marigold, horseradish and cale mostly work right away. Carrots, Tomatoes or potatoes may need some more support but this can be as simple as adding some sand to make the soil a little lighter. If something works: great, let it bloom, collect seeds, profit forever. If not ask yourself if you can easily fix it or if the crop just may not be suitable for your garden. Just relax and see where it takes you.
5) Context. Don't stress too much over fertilizer or soil improvement or all of those very expensive things. A well selected range of crops, a proper composting routine, a good source of manure, mulch and biodiversity supporting structures will ultimately bring you much further than any store-bought "quick and easy" solution. But it will take time. Look into concept like permaculture to see how you can link different parts and components of your garden. Not everything is applicable everywhere and at once but you'll get there. Just stick to it and while you let your little experiments grow, read, read and then read some more about plant selection, long term (organic) soil improvement and also preservation (you'll want to know about that as well at some point, believe me). Last note: Maybe as a starting point, to keep things neat and easy to handle, draw some inspiration from square foot gardening as it provides a very manageable, little plot with great yield. Best of luck on your journey and keep your head up.

Pick something relatively easy to grow (tomatoes are pretty straightforward in many places), and just try to get produce from it.

Once you have a result, then you can look at improving your approach.

No point running before you can walk, you're only going to be able to learn so much without actually trying stuff. Plus, if you already have soil to put stuff in, you're starting out better than I did. My stuff is growing in pots.

You're getting a bit late in the year to maximise most crops (if northern hemisphere) but that doesn't mean there's no point, so just throw shit at the wall to see what sticks. Seeds are cheap, and failed plants can still make compost as well as provide a learning opportunity

Got an allotment this year. Start growing a variety of things, see what works and what doesn't. Here are some things I have been growing.

Jerusalem artichokes seem to be growing nicely, not dug them up yet though to see how big they are underground.

Tried garlic and it struggled, bulbs are all tiny. Ground likely too damp for them or planted too deep. Might try walking onions next year

Radishes, the greens were nice, roots have mostly been nibbled by maggots though.

Good king Henry/some variety of goosefoot, planted seeds and feels like I shouldn't have bothered as it's growing everywhere wether I want it to or not. Perennial plant and you can eat the leaves like spinach, seeds like quinoa, shoots like asparagus.

Perennial kale - just getting eaten by insects so probably going to give up on that soon.

Rhubarb and blackcurrants, recently planted so not had much time to comment on them yet. Seen other people nearby with fair size rhubarbs though so hopefully it will go well. Might make it into wine.

I would suggest getting at least a few things that don't require buying constantly new seeds. That is my longer term plan with things like the blackcurrants, take cuttings of the bush to propagate it further - it came with a label saying propagation is prohibited which I take as a challenge. Plant piracy!

Quick edit - also in my garden at home I am growing rosemary, sage and bay which are all doing well. Got mint in pots which is struggling a bit, partly from neglect. Should be ok if I water it a bit more. A large barrel for it to grow in could be nice tbh. Stick holes near the bottom on the side so the bottom holds a reservoir of water is also a tempting idea, as long as it's a deep enough barrel that the standing water is reasonably below the surface.