How do Atheists raise their kids

I tell my kids the truth:

There is a Santa Claus. But it's not a real fat old bearded man; it's an idea, a feeling that lots of people all share together at the same time every year.

The feelings are very real and very special but the stories are just pretend.

without any explanations about the world or comforts to be held

Says who? There are plenty of explanations. Gravity. Chemistry. Biology. Physics. There are tons of explanations of things.

Being told that there is nothing after death or that no one really knows, would have send me spiraling.

I don’t find the prospect of an afterlife comforting. We are supposed to end. That's what gives our brief time scope and meaning. I'm 51. Already I can only remember highlights of my childhood. What would even exist of me after 300 years? 1000? 1 million? I only have a short time to leave this world a better place than I found, which makes that time and those efforts precious. If I lasted a billion years why bother? None of any of this matters in the context of infinite time.

i cant imagine there being no resentment or conflicted feeling

Why? I mean I might feel like I'd let my kids down if they needed a religion, but I wouldn't resent it. I don't own them. They have and will make choices I don't agree with. That's why I wanted children. They are my continuation after death. The lessons I teach them about life and how to approach it and how to be good people are the thing that will outlive me. And through their relationships my influence on this world endures long street my name is forgotten. But they will be their own people and I wouldn't want it any other way.

I explain plenty about the world and provide a lot of comforts for my child. I don’t need a god to do this for me.

It can be a comfort to believe nothing exists beyond this living realm. That our actions and our lives are what we make of them in the here and now.

My kid has very little questions of a sky daddy who watches our every move. It doesn’t bring him comfort to be watched for any little transgression to be held against him. He is content to be a good and kind person because that is who he wants to be and how he wants to be treated.

As someone with gad. Cbt was so helpful

When you say "without any explanations of the world", I think you misunderstand.

There are plenty of explanations that don't involve God.

For example... years ago I worked in a bookstore, this was around when Twister was out, dad came in with his son who was desperately afraid of tornadoes, specifically, if an F5 could destroy a town, he was convinced the big red spot on Jupiter was like an F1,000,000 and was coming to get him.

Dad was looking for books to talk him down.

Now, someone steeped in religion would have gone down the road of God this, God that, chosen people, etc. etc. etc.

So I sat the kid down...

"OK, so at a basic level, what is a tornado?"

"Wind?"

"Right! Really fast wind, wind in a hurry. And what is wind made out of?"

"...?"

"Well, it's made of air, right? Look, you're breathing some right now! It's just not going fast."

"OK..."

"Well, there's no air in space, right? So there's no way for the spot on Jupiter to get off Jupiter."

‼️

"But what if it could?"

"Well, you know gravity, right? Makes things fall down? Gravity is stronger on Jupiter. Hang on, I think we have it in a book...

Yeah, here you go, 2.5 times stronger than Earth. Let's say you weigh 100 pounds, you would weigh 250 pounds on Jupiter!

So, no air in space, and everything on Jupiter is heavier, way harder to leave."

Dad was thrilled that his kid wasn't having a perpetual anxiety attack.

Yeah, yeah, I know, the spot is technically hydrogen and helium and not air, but explain like I'm five, right?

I’m going to assume positive intent with this question.

You raise them the same way, teaching them right and wrong, critical thinking, and empathy, but without the invisible boogeyman always looking over their shoulder. Kids are smart, but the conversation needs to meet them at their level. And it’s ok to admit you don’t know something and find out together. I don’t understand what you mean about “no explanations about the world or comforts to be had”. There’s plenty to learn and be comforted by.

If a rule being written in the bible/koran/torah/whatever is the only thing stopping you from doing something bad, you’re a bad person. You don’t need religion or promise of a reward to be a good person or to have a fulfilling life.

In my experience, people don’t usually convert to religion later in life except via a trauma, like an illness or sudden loss of a parent/child, or conversion for a marriage. This is why it’s important for the church to hook them young before kids have the critical thinking skills to question it. By the time they are old enough, many are indoctrinated to “have faith” which just means “ignore all evidence and don’t look into this further” and perpetuate that into the next generation. Many leave. I was one of those that was raised in the church and left in my teens.

As for what happens after death, no one knows until they get there. There is no authoritative source of information on this beyond what happens to the body. I personally believe there’s nothing after. But I would rather live as a good person for me, and pass that to my kids. If a good life isn’t good enough for whatever gods there may be afterwards, then I probably wouldn’t want to be there anyway.

Plus, eternity would suck, even in a heaven. You’ve got time to do absolutely everything you want to do, as many times as you want, and when you’re done, _you still have eternity to go_. You really looking forward to your hundred millionth time watching your favorite movie or eating your favorite food?

So, in the end, just be a good person for you and those around you. It’s really that easy. If you also want to be religious, go for it, but don’t ever make the mistake of thinking the two are linked traits. Celebrate the life you have, and live like there’s no tomorrow (or pot of gold at the end of the rainbow).

In the West, people who care for people of faith as they're dying report that they are the ones more frightened, as their time approaches. I would assume this also correlates whether you deity is vindictive or forgiving, but I really don't know.

I was raised by athiests, but neither parent gave any indication that they were and let me make my own opinions and decisions.

In fact, when I was young I actually went to church due to there being a free minibus, along with a youth club for any children.

It was around the age where I realised the tooth fairy and Santa Claus wasn’t real, that I came to my senses and realised that magic sky gods, bible magic etc was a load of crap as well

I have found that children don’t need lies to comfort them. By nature, children are curious and crave understanding. It’s important for parents to respect that and equip them both with what we already know, and the skills to keep exploring. Engage with them, help them understand the questions, feed their innate sense of wonder. Eventually they’ll teach you a thing or two.

I find no comfort in implausible lies, and I feel a need to help my kids avoid that discomfort. I also want them to have agency in life, so they need to understand how such lies are used by society to try and control them.

I just never told them any of those fairy tales. Occasionally, they would ask about something that Grandma taught them at her church, and I would usually say "Well, some people believe that.." and tell them what the mythology is. I wouldn't argue with it, or ridicule it, but if they asked about my opinion on it, I would explain to them why I didn't believe it.

I'd have no problem with them deciding to join a church, as long as it wasn't an especially dangerous cult.

There is actually no need to talk to children about gods. Those questions you imply only religion could answers usually don't pop up in a childrens world except when brought in from external sources.

Maybe you grew up with so much anxiety due to religion itself? I'm the opposite, I live in an area which has almost no religious people and I feel everybody is very calm and friendly. Maybe the idea of eternal hell or heaven might be triggering that unconsciously in you

We have discussed things about religion and why I don’t believe in it but I’ve never asked him what he’s decided nor do I really care. I never hear him or his friends discuss religion so I’m guessing he’s indifferent to it. It’s not a matter much discussed because it’s not any part of our daily lives.