What are some lesser known developmental milestones no one really ever talks about?

I feel this completely BUT I just wanted to add that there is a component of delusion that can get ignored when you don't respond to any external feedback. Just because I think something about myself, doesn't make it true. And it doesn't make it true every single time. I'm a doctor, and I care about my patients and I try to go out of my way to make sure they get the things they need. But at the same time, I'm not perfect and I definitely have days when I'm only capable of the bare minimum. If someone catches me on those days, they might call me lazy. I'm not lazy, but for that person on that day, maybe I was. I just have to accept that is what someone's experience of me is, and try to do better as much as I am capable.

Steering your own ship is a huge part of adulthood.

I'd say we all enjoy recognition from others, when it happens.
But having different internal motivations, rather than seeking recognition, is what makes a fully actualised person.

Remove ads from your life, no more keeping up with the Joneses, less vicarious living through series and franchises, and more hands on experiences, can help with growth and having 'substance'.

I respect all people who become doctors. My uncle was a doctor. It takes a special type of person to make it that far in life.

I agree

I agree

I suppose, for me, it was when I started making friends with people outside my own age group. Being 40 and friends with 20 and 30 year-olds, or people in their 70's and 80's and having it just be mutually respectful and enjoyable feels like a big thing when you get to it.

One that not a lot of people talk about because it is private and doesn't happen to everyone is when the voice of your conscience is your own voice and not the voice of someone else.

I get what you’re saying, but external validation is how most primates ensure they’re being good members and stewards of their communities. This is important social behavior. It shouldn’t supersede one’s own values though.

Whew! Glad to hear it. 😀

Haha, with my experiences, it felt like I was constantly put into situations with older people.


I wonder where all the fun energetic 20-somethings were in my 20's. Like, all hiding out, or in college, or something.


Once out of high school, I never felt like I had my "peer group." Just, other people. When I do encounter those similar in age now, it feels like they far surpassed me.


Being able to be friends with any age group is great, I guess. But I never really feel like I belong anywhere, just like I'm visiting and passing through.

I really sometimes wish I had a bit more space to figure myself out and develop a strong identity like that. I was raised in a pretty strict but loving situation where I was constantly trying to gain my parents' approval.


Maybe to prove I didn't need so much correction and lecturing all the time.


Many of my friends developed better skills and aptitudes maybe because they didn't constantly feel the conflict of needing that approval. I wish I could've been single-mindedly obsessed with making art and games back then instead of ruminating on cognitive dissonance.


ADHD didn't help: along with all the learning struggles, you get real sensitive to rejection and try to avoid it at all costs.

Most people never achieve this though. A good example is the charity test. You do something good and kind to help someone, even something small like make them a cup of tea, but they hate it and pour it down the sink.

If you feel angry that they "wasted your kindness and effort" or disrespected you, you still depend on their reaction on some level.
If you are still satisfied and happy, that's freedom. The whole act of kindness was the giving of the tea with good intentions, even if they disliked it. You take the feedback for next time so they enjoy it more.
* If you keep making multiple tea for them until they like it, with no joy in your heart, you're a slave, and the other person controls you.

Your next step is probably directly to do with those feelings of inadequacy and comparison. One day you'll be able to focus on your own path, without checking if you're good enough or attractive enough or anything else. Ultimately those things are superficial and not healthy to dwell on. If you must compare, do it with curious eyes.

The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them.