Is it common after a breakup to lose every mutual friend you had?

Yeah, mate. When my ex left me, even my older brother asked me to not come to parties at his place because it made her uncomfortable.

She was there with my brothers' friend. She had been seeing him for a while and I was the last person to know. The whole time she had been telling anyone who found out about them that I was abusive and to keep it quiet for her protection (yet she was verbally and financially abusing me).

In the end I was shunned by almost everyone that I knew. I lost my home, my friends, most of my family and ended up in debt for years as a result.

Only my younger brother stood by me and stood up for me. Everyone else believed her.
When I started dating my (now) wife, she was approached by several of my old "friends" and told that I was 'bad news' and to avoid me because I was abusive. My (now) wife told them she was "a grown woman and capable of making up her own mind, thank you very much!"
We've been together 22 years, married for 17 years and have two amazing kids. In the end, though I suffered, I have come through way better off than I was then. The perspective that I have gained has made me much more aware of the value loyalty, friendship and love.

My ex married and had a kid with the brother's friend. They didn't last 5 years. She pulled the same shit with him, but nobody believed her this time. They had seen the same playbook when she cheated on me. He's still single, and she's with another ex-friend's brother, burning bridges as she goes...


Just take small steps, my friend. Start a journal. See a counselor. Get up every day and see what it brings. You never know what's around the corner. Eat right. Exercise. Just exist in the world without expectation and you'll find your place. May it be filled with joy.

What can you do? Hypothetically you take each one of them aside and you force them to tell you what she’s been saying about you. And then somehow demonstrate that she is lying.

Now that’s hypothetically.

Realistically, there’s no way that they will want to change their mind anyway. Unless you have some really solid proof that you didn’t do it. And ans anybody can tell you , trying to prove a negative is almost impossible.

So that means realistically, there is really nothing you can do about it. I mean, you can catch a couple of them when they’re alone. And try to find out what She said. But if they’ve already bought into the bullshit from her then what do you do?. I don’t really see a way back from that.

By the way, I’m going on the basis of she’s lying and that she falsely accused you. As I only have your comment in the other post where you said she falsely accused. I have no way to know what did or did not happen. I’m just giving you information based on what I have. All I can say is good luck and try to move forward. Only you would know if you’d be able to approach those people and have a chance of sitting down and making them listen.

These days, evidence doesn't matter. People make decisions based on feels.

I went through a rough breakup with a cokehead. She partied really hard, and i had no idea until we lived together. I broke up with her, and all of my friends chose her...because she was more fun than i was. The day after we broke up, i had 300 less friends on facebook as i had the day before.

Not a single person sent me a message. They just dumped me for the party.

Thanks for your words. I think I'm just thinking too deeply into this and you nailed it here

It’s hard to be friends with people who totally hate each other. You have to make sure you don’t mention one to the other. And also, it leads to resentment. Like if there’s this person who totally screwed me over, it irritates me that someone would still be friends with them after seeing what an awful person they can be and I feel like if they’re still friends with them, they’re not standing up for me. I don’t like people trying to dictate who I’m friends with myself, but still I think OK, so my ex lied to me cheated on me stole from me, and is still trying to harm me, and they’re just like oh, that’s cool.

It's just a path of least resistance thing. Staying friends with me would mean more problems than staying friends with her and in a small community like this it's understandable I guess

Thank you man. I am honestly surprised and hurt at some of the reactions here. Even strangers on an anonymous forum have immediately demonized me over this. I'm glad I posted this thread because it proves my suspicion - nobody will ever believe me and that's just the reality of my life now. Even showing people concrete evidence of her trying to kill me isn't going to change anything so I guess I just have to somehow own it

Why would I write that comment if I was guilty? It was an obvious cry for help lmao and now I'm embarrassed I said it

You didn't need those acquaintances.

You're over thinking it. No need for the drama.

If you feel like hanging out with someone then do so, if not then dont.

Spend the time on hobbies, exercise, cultivating new relationships or reinvigorating old ones.

and you _force_ them to tell

probably not the right tone to use when those people probably believe him to be a rapist

Your wife sounds amazing. I've been dating someone for a while who has been messaged by someone I know saying I'm bad news. And she immediately blocked. One of the hurdles early on for her is that she couldnt comprehend how someone like me is so universally hated and I'm so grateful she didn't write me off because of that

Ex's current bf is a former friend of mine and maybe it's cruel of me to think this but I can't wait till he experiences the same thing and maybe gives me some sort of redemption here

It's the implication.