Bit of a shower thought: Outside of limited circumstances, like interviews or therapy, nobody is really expected to give you honest feedback on how you come across.
This sucks. I've been told I come across as unfriendly once, but I have no idea if I was just nervous and tired at the time. I still cherish that one moment almost 10 years ago when someone told me I was funny in some corporate team building bs.
Now, I could ask friends and family, but I believe they would probably not tell me the full, honest truth. After all, they (hopefully) like me and I would probably avoid being too harsh to everyone but very close people in private.
At the same time, I know plenty of people who really should get some feedback, who probably believe they are funny while everyone is bored and annoyed and hopes they talk a little less and the like.
So, are there socially accepted ways to get feedback on how you come across?
I realize that people are strange, relationships are hard, P!=NP and anime is not real. Still, it would be nice to have.
19 Jun 2026 01:09
You sure you're not neurodivergent? This is a very neurodivergent train of thought ngl.
19 Jun 2026 01:23
I feel you, perhaps check out the show "The Rehearsal" with Nathan Fielder which explores this a bit. And all his other shows while you're at it. There should be stuff like that IRL.
19 Jun 2026 01:32
There's a quote I like about how you can tell someone's your friend because they're willing to stab you in the front. Unlike, you know, the other way...
I'll have to see if I can find that quote-image I have and share it to !quotes.au, sometime. That's the only semi-active quotes community across the known Fediverse, and yet is still on life support of sorts. :S
19 Jun 2026 01:34
IMO ask people you know to tell you how you honestly come across. Yeah they like you and won't want to hurt you but as long as they aren't completely blowing smoke, you should get enough hint of anything glaring. The little things they sweep under the rug are probably nothing to really worry about.
19 Jun 2026 01:34
Not sure if this applies to you but maybe you have heard a phrase about you that doesn't make sense fully. In my case, it was "you're intimidating" and that took me a long long time to understand because as a woman who has a lot of insecurities and can't physically fight this is absolutely ridiculous. Then one day I was watching some relationship guru video clip and the guy said "if you're told you're intimidating and can't make sense of it, it means you are hard to impress". That clicked. At least, within dating contexts. I don't know. I think most of the honest feedback I've gotten from potential dates, from boyfriends, from family members (though that required always a difficult argument beforehand and getting feedback was never the goal) and also from teachers who get fed up with your bullshit occasionally. It's never going to come to you from a comfortable source, but you shouldn't be asking your enemies either, because they'll lie too.
19 Jun 2026 01:54
That isn't necessarily a friend. There are a lot of unhealthy relationships that would do this also.
19 Jun 2026 02:17
I suggest a tutor for giving presentations, public relations or something along those lines. They're used to giving gentle advice and want you to do better so you can refer more people to them.
19 Jun 2026 03:02
Sure there are. But once you rule out the obvious gits, you start to reach the loam, as it were...
In fact it was a shorthand quote, like almost all quotes. One often has to fill in context to catch the meaning.
19 Jun 2026 03:04
I've wanted this forever!! Especially when i was younger, but still somewhat to today. It would be so great if there was some way to get honest feedback from people about what they think of me. There have been lots of times in my life when my social life wasn't going as well as i would want, but how do you improve something when you don't know what needs improvement?
Like do i frequently have a bad smell? Am i too loud? Are my jokes landing poorly? It would be so great if i knew what people honestly thought of me!
19 Jun 2026 03:28
The fact that you care _at all_ tells me that you’re probably a decent person. Narcissists and sociopaths generally don’t give a shit about the opinions of others.
This may be foolish advice (like telling someone with clinical depression to “just cheer up”) but try not to overthink it.
19 Jun 2026 03:32
Public speaking and/or acting classes.
19 Jun 2026 03:36
It depends on what type of people you surround yourself with
19 Jun 2026 03:55
have you thought about videotaping yourself then watching the video of you interacting with others?
gotta admit, I thought about it but I'm scared I will hate how I come across
19 Jun 2026 04:10
Social anxiety is not neurodivergent. It's more unusual to NOT think about how you are perceived. Asking the internet because you don't trust people to be honest with you, though...
19 Jun 2026 04:32
Lemmy
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