8 Jul 2026 21:31
What is the process of becoming a father minus a partner?
I'm beginning to accept that I may never be in a relationship again. There are life expectations I have for myself, some admittedly selfish, but really, the idea of having to deal with another grownup who is as obstinate as I am has left me disillusioned about relationships. But I want to have kids. I want to be a father. For women, its fairy easy, go to a sperm bank, pick your choice, get the procedure done and you are on your way. What is the process for dudes? I believe its going to involve a surrogate, but where does one get a donor egg and what not? I am not looking to have a relationship with an egg donor or the surrogate, just me and the kids.
Depends a lot on where you are, but I think odds and society is stacked against you here. In theory, adoption is a possibility, but I suspect you'd face a lot more scrutiny than a single woman would in this situation.
8 Jul 2026 21:48
If you can't deal with an adult partner, dealing with kids might not be so great for you either.
8 Jul 2026 21:53
Look into cloning yourself.
I don't think you'll find anyone willing to surrogate for you.
I don't think you'll find anyone willing to surrogate for you.
8 Jul 2026 22:01
Ya, buddy. With an Adult you are dealing with another human who sometimes can be an asshole, dick, bitch, bastard, cunt , or whatever.
A kid is all those things without every giving a fuck. If you have problems with adults, you definitely will be in hell with a kid.
A kid is all those things without every giving a fuck. If you have problems with adults, you definitely will be in hell with a kid.
8 Jul 2026 22:03
For women, its fairy easy, go to a sperm bank, pick your choice, get the procedure done and you are on your way.
That's a bit of an over simplification. There's 40 of pregnancy and birth. Also caring for a newborn is very difficult. You may be better off trying to adopt.
8 Jul 2026 22:10
Nah, kids are innocent 5ill teens. All us grown ups can go fuck ourselves, we're all set in our ways older we grow, some are grouchy fucks others are well depends where ya live USA, I trust no one other than my kids no other adults
8 Jul 2026 22:21
Had given this thought and it actually comes from here. Due to unforseen circumstances, I've been helping raise 3 kids for the last couple of years and I'm currently listed as their guardian. I've been involved with everything from diapers to after school stuff. I'm talking 85%+ of their time and needs comes from me. We went to the county a couple of years ago, to formalise some processes, and I'm now basically recognized.
However, as this situation is coming to an end, probably in a couple of months, I found it enjoyable, despite the stresses. One thing I've learnt about kids is that they generally don't have malice in their intent, while adults scheme and plot. Sure, we have had bad days and tempers have flared, but had it not been this situation ending, I would have done this thing all the way through. Given my extremely soft-landing as a parent, I realized I want more of it. Kids change you. Its weird.
However, as this situation is coming to an end, probably in a couple of months, I found it enjoyable, despite the stresses. One thing I've learnt about kids is that they generally don't have malice in their intent, while adults scheme and plot. Sure, we have had bad days and tempers have flared, but had it not been this situation ending, I would have done this thing all the way through. Given my extremely soft-landing as a parent, I realized I want more of it. Kids change you. Its weird.
8 Jul 2026 22:26
Oh, I know that. It was intended as an oversimplification. I know the complications that come with it. Adoption is a possibility as well.
8 Jul 2026 22:27
I'm not a comparative sort of person, but I've seen people with far greater personal handicaps than my own become parents, I don't judge. Everyone has their own story.
8 Jul 2026 22:29
There's a whole business around surrogacy. It's a moral and legal gray zone - in some jurisdictions you can't eventually adopt a child alone as a man.
It's expensive, too. You're paying for the procedure, for the surrogates time and health care - and there are still no guarantees that you'll end up with a child. Expect ~$100-150k if you're willing to travel to exploit a woman in a third world country.
And a newborn/toddler is no walk in the park. Expect about two years of lost work.
Are you even in a financial position where this is feasible?
It's expensive, too. You're paying for the procedure, for the surrogates time and health care - and there are still no guarantees that you'll end up with a child. Expect ~$100-150k if you're willing to travel to exploit a woman in a third world country.
And a newborn/toddler is no walk in the park. Expect about two years of lost work.
Are you even in a financial position where this is feasible?
8 Jul 2026 22:30
Saw a TV show where two dudes faked being gay, got married all to help the one guy adopt a kid. I know the odds would be far against me.
8 Jul 2026 22:32
. No reason to make a new kid when there are kids out there who need help. Start as a foster parent and work from there.
8 Jul 2026 22:33
I am not a parent, I am a soccer account on the fediverse, so this is the best Iโve got:
If youโre looking for a gentle on-ramp into having a kid around the house, maybe starting small with something like a home stay program is easier? My
local usl 2 team and
my local mls side are always looking for people to host young adults who come to the city to train, and there are a lot of foreign exchange programs (by way of example -- maybe your area has something similar?). It might be easier to assess how you feel about being a single parent with a teen for a summer than an infant from a surrogate, and as much as I hate to say this, building a bit of a resume as a single man may be required for you, and something like that might help.
If youโre looking for a gentle on-ramp into having a kid around the house, maybe starting small with something like a home stay program is easier? My
8 Jul 2026 22:36
You can adopt or find a surrogant and and/or an egg donor but it's going to be hell and very expensive.
Like six figures in cash expensive.
Like six figures in cash expensive.
8 Jul 2026 22:40