How much should I spend on an engagement ring?

Hell no it isn't lol. Fuck that person and hope they have a shit life

Congrats on your tags. Were you one of the ones in my thread calling me a rapist?

Do you have me tagged as "regarded"? Why would i propose to someone that falsely accused me of raping them?

I found someone who treats me like a human. I am getting older and proposing seems like the right thing to do in the near future.

Honestly go fuck yourself. In real life are you also this little dark cloud that floats around?

Jokes on you, my partner and I haven't even bothered getting married and have spent nothing on rings, we've been together for more than a decade

I asked my father in law if he minded me asking for his daughter's hand in marriage. We were already quite close and although I was confident in the answer I was still putting myself out there. It wasn't about ownership or anything like that, it was simply a nod to tradition and I know he appreciated the gesture.

He also loved being the first to know haha

Dad here. I'd fall flat on my ass if some boyfriend came to me asking permission - pretty sure it won't happen given the way we rose our daughters.

Fun unrelated to marriage fact: I once had my SO check the front window of a jewelry shop to "pick her favourite" - the stated game was that if we both silently picked the same I'd buy it for her. Some 30+ years later she still wears it on her ring finger. No stone, a ladder of white gold encasing gold stars.

Many imaginative solutions around

I have been married for 20 years, after 9 years of being together. Engagement rings are not traditional where I live, but wedding rings are. We bought titanium rings for less than 100 euros each. No stones, just the metal. Titanium is way cooler than gold or platinum too. They make reconnaisance planes out of it!

Where are you from?

Sounds weird but I collect titanium objects. They are so good.

I have 500ml and 1000ml camping pots. A titanium frying pan. My favourite is my titanium bong. You can drive over it with a truck and it can be cleaned perfectly by throwing it into the coals of a campfire. I've broken so many glass bongs over the years and this one is indestructible and can be carried anywhere at just 100g.

I took my wife to a facility that was all about collaborative ring picking. It was no secret that I was going to propose; both she and I have always felt that the circumstances of the proposal could be a surprise, but the fact of and answer to the proposal shouldn't be.

I ended up proposing to her while she was carrying a pile of my underwear. It wasn't on purpose - I didn't even notice until she had said yes - but she described it as "very us."

With regards to budget, she and I discussed a range beforehand. We came up with a number that was nice but realistic for what we could afford at the time.

With regards to asking permission, I didn't feel it necessary. I did technically discuss it with her dad beforehand, but mostly for the ceremony of the thing. I doubt he even remembers the conversation. It can be a nice gesture to do so - most good dads would probably like it and many women would probably enjoy the gesture - but I don't think it's needed.

I have an engagement ring with London blue topaz shaped like a forget me not, and two diamond solitaires inherited from my grandmother. I never wear the solitaires.

Yours is a lovely solution in a culture where asking is still common. As a feminist, I would suggest that this approach is expanded to inform both parents simultaneously though, not just the father.

That said, I stand by my viewpoint that OP's partner's wants are the most important consideration. Personally, unless my partner wanted advice or assistance from my parents related specifically to the proposal, I wouldn't have expected my parents to know about the proposal before I did.

My dad knew this though, so he once told my partner during a family dinner that he approved of him 🤭 My brother nearly fell off his chair laughing and told my partner to run while he still could.

Also, my mom has zero poker face, so if he told her I would have immediately known something is up - so maybe don't tell them too far in advance, either 🤣

Edit: reshuffled some wording, plus:
it also depends on the ages (and generational expectations) of OPs prospective in-laws. I don't know how long ago your proposal was but mine was quite a while ago now.

The concept of an expensive engagement ring is based on the realities of a different era, as is asking her dad for permission

So is marriage in general in most developed countries.

It's romantic. Asking the dad for permission is performative but adds to the romance. If someone thinks spending big bucks on an engagement ring is romantic, then go for it. Getting married is an expensive affair anyway.

But yeah, don't spend it on diamonds because they're bullshit.

Getting married is effectively signing a communal property contract, which can still have significant legal and financial implications in the developed world. Not all developed countries have the same legal system.

Also, traditional is not the same as romantic. There is nothing romantic about asking the dad, she's not property. Some traditions deserve to die.

Edit to add: also absolutely shell out on a ring if you want. Just be sure it's actually what you want, not what you think you should do.

Why do you need an engagement ring? Can't two people just get engaged without going into debt for a fucking rock?

Getting married is effectively signing a communal property contract, which can still have significant legal and financial implications in the developed world.

Pretty sure all countries in the EU let you do just that without getting married. You literally aquire exactly the same legal status as a married couple, without actually getting married. Which makes marriage completely obsolete and only performative and romantic.

There is nothing romantic about asking the dad

That's just your opinion. I think it actually is. Nobody is talking about property anymore. It's just an expression of intentions these days and is mostly a bonding moment between the groom and her father. It's actually kind of sweet and emotional.

Netherlands.

I have never seen titaniuw cookware. Is it any good in terms of frying? Do you season a titanium pan in the way you would with cast iron?

I would ask her parents for approval and spend as much as I feel comfortable doing. Which is definitely below 10k, because at that point I would worry about someone walking up and just chopping her hand of (or following us home, maybe slightly more reallistic).

I think plain gold rings are fine. Otherwise just anything that looks decent. Rule of thumb: Your wedding rings shouldn't dictate your outfits.

I just realized you said 'engagement', not 'wedding'. What the actual fuck man.