How much should I spend on an engagement ring?

Nope, I was one specifically not calling you a rapist. You go from head over heels with this ex to facing rape allegations and loss of all friends to being ready to propose in a matter of a month.

This is me as brutally candid internet stranger who doesn't care about being your friend - you might want to slow down a tick and get some therapy before you charge into another frantic, unstable, even dangerous relationship. Jumping out of an abusive relationship and immediately into a new relationship is one of the worst things to do, giving yourself no time to heal and get your head on right.

I'll block you now if you prefer. It bums me out to see a fellow human fight so hard for shit relationships.

Check in with your lady on the asking her dad thing. Ultimately it’s up to her whether she feels it’s respectful or if she would be offended if you did so.

Congrats on taking this next step!

First of all, do whatever you want and what you think your gal will want. You only get to propose to her once so make it count, whatever that means to you guys

Before you decide on what to do, I recommend you read the 5 Love Languages book. It's a good and easy read and I'd recommend it anyways. Bottom line is people express affection in certain ways and they like to receive affection in certain ways. The reason I suggest the book is because it can help you key in on whether going expensive is something that will be valued by your SO.

If receiving gifts, expensive ones, isn't one of her love languages, I'd say it's probably not worth it. But if she lights up when she's showered with expensive stuff normally then there's nothing wrong with a giant diamond, if you can afford it. It's a gift so it should be something that she will appreciate

It might be more meaningful if it's a custom ring that you have a jeweler design. Maybe an animal she loves or something else that is meaningful. This can be cheaper than a diamond center stone even if you include a variety of gems. Price scales hugely with size of the stone so you can go hog wild with smaller gems and the cost of the metals and the design/creation and not break the bank.

On the subject of asking for her hand or whatever, I think the more modern way to do the same thing is to just get with her parents before hand and let them know what your intentions are.

At the end of the day, do what you want. You can stick to traditions and get a big diamond ring and ask get Father's hand if that's what you want. People, especially here, will get out pitchforks and try to tell you why that's bad or whatever but at the end of the day traditions are traditions and if you want to do it that way it's OK. But I wouldn't do it just because it's tradition - unless that means something to you. Be deliberate in your choices whatever they are.

Good luck!

If I remember correctly, I spent around $400. At the time it was roughly 30% of a paycheck.

Also do you think it is misogynist to ask the lady's dad for permission?

Misogynistic?

Not per se. I suppose it comes down to why you're asking.

Needed?

No. Women make their own decisions.

I associated with a guy online that turned a makeshift ring on a lathe at work to give to his girl as a place-holder for when he could afford a real ring. She loved it so much she told him not to buy one.

He was kind of a perfectionist and it actually looked pretty good, but as I recall there were no precious metals involved.

So, bottom line...what kind of person is she? Price isn't important.

Whatever you do DON'T spend a year's salary on a ring. That's just jewelry store marketing talking.